you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
