Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
