Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
