I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
how can u be prego again
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
