Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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