Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
