Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
