I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
