i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just want to make out with him forever
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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