I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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