He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
