haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
