how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
