carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
