Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
