We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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