just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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