i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I wish I only lived at night.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
