I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
