i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I forgot wine drunk hurts
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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