You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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