probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
