So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
