Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
