So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
