So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
we're so committed to being not committed
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
