Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
