we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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