Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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