i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
