You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize
