if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
How naked do you want me to be?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
