your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I am spending my child support on dildos
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Terrible idea I love it
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
