she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
