i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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