**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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