Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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