He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My ass is underappreciated
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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