She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
