dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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