I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Banned from zoo.
Again?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
