You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
