I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
