Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
