my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
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