My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
