don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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