she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
