Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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