Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
