Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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