i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
